Tag Archives: soul

Healing from Traumatic Flashbacks

I keep having flashbacks. The other morning, I was laying in bed starting to “wake-up” and my mind formed a picture of my mom laying in the hospital bed. She was sick with stuff hooked up to her body. This image disturbed my heart. I was a bit shaken by the flashback because my mom’s sickness was a traumatic experience for my family.

This flashback was vivid. Briefly, I forgot that I was actually laying on my bed in my own home. My mind traveled back to one of the worst periods of my life. The trauma occurred over a duration of 112 days. The daily doctor’s reports. The good news and then bad news. Knowing my mom was fighting for her life, confined to her hospital bed.

Trauma takes shape in many forms: years of abuse, months of divorce court, weeks of bullying, hours of a still-born childbirth, seconds of an accident.

One cannot measure trauma simply by how long or short the event. The intensity of the moment might affect future flashbacks, but so can the longevity of the undesirable circumstance in your own personal history.

My flashback felt so real because it produced a high level of stress within my body. My heart was pounding and my muscles were tensing up as if I was reliving this tragedy again. The hormones that coursed through my veins after I heard “bad news” about my mom in the hospital were the same hormones I was experiencing laying on my own bed.

Have you ever wondered why you get flashbacks of traumatic events? I have discovered that my mind is still learning to cope with seeing my mom in a hospital bed for almost four months. Maybe my mind repressed these thoughts for a later time when I would be more prepared to deal with them.  

That “later time” was last week. How do I handle a flashback like that? It was painful to visualize my mom suffering. I don’t want my mind to be transported back to this horrible period of my life. It seems that my mind needs healing from these events. Maybe your mind needs healing from a similar event?

I reminded myself at the end of the flashback that it was in the past. It felt real and I hated the way my body responded. Throughout the day, I kept thinking about this disturbing moment. My heart was filled with anxiety, that is, until I went to Christ and asked Him what I should do with this unsettling feeling. I could hear a gentle whisper say to my heart, “Read Hebrews 12:1-3.”

I opened my Bible and read the first three verses of Hebrews 12.

Since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so you won't grow weary and lose heart.

After studying these verses, the Lord gently told me that I need to focus on three truths in order to heal my mind from these flashbacks.

Truth #1: My mom is a part of the CLOUD of WITNESSES now.

The cloud of witnesses is an extension of all the men and women of the faith in Hebrews 11. Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Joseph, Moses, Rahab, Samson, David and many more were all commended for their faith and now make up this heavenly cloud of witnesses. But the cloud does not just have “Bible people” in it. Every Christian who has died is now in the cloud, witnessing God’s glory.

When you attend the funeral of a Christian, you can be assured that they are fully glorifying God in heaven and are very interested in what is happening to you on earth. This does not mean that they are always watching us, for they have many exciting new opportunities in heaven. But they are invested in your life here. They are rooting for you! They want you to also become a part of the cloud of witnesses.

God helped me combat my flashback by supplying me with Scripture that helped me look forward. Forward to what is real, not the past.  

My mom laying in a hospital bed is not reality anymore. What is true about my mom now? She is not suffering anymore. She is making new friends. She is watching my family and the events of the world. She is one of my biggest champions in heaven! Knowing this helps heal my heart.  

Truth #2: It’s now my turn to FINISH my race.

My mom has finished her race. Her race was approximately three-fourths of a century. My race might be half over, or maybe I haven’t even gotten to the back nine yet. No one knows when they will breathe their last breath. But someday, each of our races will be finished. And we will be able to look back and ask ourselves, “Am I satisfied with how I ran the race? Did I give God my all? Is God happy with my life?”

I don’t think there is anyone who arrives at the gates of heaven that will be completely satisfied with his or her race. Noah wished he wouldn’t have gotten drunk. Abraham hated that he lied so much. Sarah wished that she wouldn’t have doubted God. Moses regretted murdering a man. Samson bemoaned his weakness for women. And those are only the sins we read about. The so called “heroes of the faith” had many flaws and sinned much more than they planned to when trying to follow God.

That is why it is called “finishing the race” and not “running the perfect race.” So, how can we finish the race? Two verses hold the secret:   

We want to get the prize. That prize is the ability to keep the faith. In the darkest days of her life, my mom kept the faith.

The hardest and yet most wonderful conversation I ever overheard between my dad and mom took place right before the doctors placed her on a ventilator. I was sitting in my living room. My dad was standing a few feet away from me holding his phone out so that I could hear my mom on “speaker.” The following is the dialogue as precisely as I can remember.

Mom: “I love you and love all my children and all my grandchildren. Please tell them all how much grandma loves them.”

Dad: “I will. You will get through this.”

Mom: “If I get through this, I will see you at home. But if I don’t, I will see you in heaven.”

Dad: “You will get through this.”

Mom: “I need you to know that if I don’t get through this, I will see you in heaven.”

She is now in heaven. Her prize is Jesus Christ. But she isn’t there because she was a great mom and grandma. There is no such thing as a “saint” who deserves heaven. After people pass away, we often do a disservice to those trying to grasp how we can actually get into heaven by turning those who lived an overall selfish life into a saint. We have all “raised our eye brows” listening to someone paint a perfect picture of a deceased person who was anything but a saint. While my mom was a super person, she was ushered into heaven because she accepted the gift of salvation.

Probably more than twenty years ago, my mom was vulnerable with me. Towards the end of a Sunday afternoon lunch, she shared that she didn’t always feel saved and often doubted that she will go to heaven when she died. Sadly, she grew up in a church that taught a subtle “saved by works” mentality instead of a “saved by grace” reality. We talked for awhile about what it meant to be saved by grace and how it was never based upon anything we could do past, present or future in our life.

I believe that was a defining moment in my mom’s spiritual life. She had been taught for decades that we might forfeit our salvation if we get too many things wrong as we run the race and will be left out of heaven. But little by little, year after year, over that twenty-year stretch, my mom would hear the teaching of “grace” at her church and by the end of her life, she didn’t have to fear at all where she was headed because she was convinced that Jesus was holding her safely in His arms and there was no one and nothing that could snatch her away.  

In the last chapter of her life, my mom realized what genuine salvation was and how we are truly saved by the grace of God. The last four lines of this song say it all:

Oh, when I come to die,

Oh, when I come to die,

Oh, when I come to die,

Give me Jesus.

My own race must be ran with an increasing awareness of God’s grace. I want to grow more secure in His mercy, compassion, and love. And so when I approach the final lap of life, I will have known that God has always been and will forever be the “starter” of my faith and “finisher” of my faith.

Truth #3: I can endure and persevere by FIXING my EYES on Jesus.

The last few months of her earthly race were painstakingly difficult. Almost unbearable at times.  

When I get those flashbacks, I must remind myself that those four months in the hospital was a “light and momentary trouble” that achieved for my mom an “eternal glory that far outweighs everything” (2 Corinthians 4:17).

“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a difficult thing, but to turn it into glory.”

William Barclay

What I saw in that hospital room was temporary, but what was unseen is eternal. Knowing this truth, I fix my eyes on the unseen, not the flashback of my mom in that bed.

What does it mean for us, after any traumatic event, to fix our eyes on Jesus? It means calling out to Jesus to help your heart heal. For Jesus to sustain you with strength when you feel weak and you want to give in to the struggles of life. Jesus always comes through. This is how Jesus came through for me.

Seventeen hours had passed since I had the first flashback. I kept thinking about the flashback throughout the day and was trying to fix my eyes on Jesus. I repeatedly asked Him to heal my heart and wash away the pain of that picture in my mind.

Around 11pm, I did my normal “check on the girls in their rooms” before I turned in for the night. I walk into each of their rooms, shining the light from my phone in order to see their faces. After checking on one of my daughters, I turned to walk out of the room, and my flashlight shined on a picture on the wall. It was a picture of my mom with my daughter. I froze and started to tear up. I heard the Spirit whisper to me, “Fix your eyes on that picture and remember your mom in this way, with a big smile loving her grandchildren.”

This is the picture I have fixed my eyes on every night the last couple weeks before I fall asleep.

The sweetness of the Spirit filled my soul, and I could feel the anxiety melt away. For Jesus was right beside me, mending my broken heart.    

8 Things that Happen When you Die (Part 1)

When is the last time you’ve thought about what happens after you die? Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. If we are only physical creatures without any immaterial aspect to our existence, then there is only one thing that happens when we die. But if we are complex beings, made of both temporary and eternal elements, then we should spend a moment considering the potential of an afterlife.  

#1 – Our body dies and DECAYS.

Death is often defined as that moment our heart and brain stop. When my mom’s heart stopped, the doctor checked her pulse and declared her deceased.

As the heart ceases to pump blood, the brain shuts down, the body grows pale and begins a cooling process.

Over the next several hours, rigor mortis spreads throughout the entire body. The body has no more purpose in this life. No more talking, walking, running, kicking or eating. The body is finished. Solomon speaks of what happens at death: “the dust returns to the ground it came from” (Ecclesiastes 12:7).

Depending on how and where the body is buried (preservation, weather, etc.), the body could decompose into a skeleton within weeks or decades. My mom was placed into a coffin. Amazingly, the process of decomposition is quite long for someone laid to rest in a coffin. It could take fifty years for the body’s tissues to liquify and disappear, leaving behind mummified skin and tendons. Eventually the skin and tendons will also disintegrate, and after eighty years in the coffin, the body will be in skeleton form. After a hundred years, the last of the deceased bones will have collapsed into dust. Only the most durable part of the body, teeth, will remain.

That is what happens to our physical body when we die. But is this the end? Is there something inside the human body that lives on after the grave?

Just as Solomon explained that the body will eventually return to dust, he gives us hope that “the spirit returns to God who gave it” (Ecclesiastes 12:7).

We have much evidence from the Bible that our spirit will exist far beyond death. Just as we spend time thinking about what happens to our physical body when it dies, it is vital that we consider what happens to our spirit when our bodies are finished. What can the Christian hope for when he or she breathes their last breath on this earth?

#2 – ANGELS carry you to heaven.

Jesus told us a story about a man named Lazarus who died and was carried to heaven by angels (Luke 16:22). We are not told how long our journey is to heaven.

The moment we die, we might instantly be in the presence of Jesus in heaven. On the other hand, our spirit might fly with the angels for a multitude of miles to heaven.

Maybe we will fly past planets and stars, through galaxies and the entire universe before we arrive at heaven. This might take several minutes, instead of being immediate. Could it take a few hours? We have no idea, and in many ways it does not matter.

Heaven is not here on this earth as it was during the early days when Adam and Eve were sinless. Heaven is “out there” somewhere and we are told that the only way to this paradise is through Jesus Christ (John 14:6).

#3 – You see the glorious SIGHTS of heaven.

When Stephen was near death, God gave him a glimpse of what heaven looks like (Acts 7:59). As your spirit enters heaven, you will initially see Jesus and the glory that has been awaiting you. Here are just a few awe-inspiring things you will notice (from Revelation 21-22). 

The holy city, with an appearance of jasper, clear as crystal.

Massive, high walls with angels at all twelve gates.

The city streets will be pure gold, like glass.

Enormous pearls will be at every gate.

The river of life.

The tree of life.

You will see God’s face.

Try to imagine how spectacular this moment will be for every Christian. Your faith will become sight and you will see this glorious place that God made for your enjoyment for all eternity.

#4 – You hear the glorious SOUNDS of heaven.

The glory of heaven is not just about all the incredible sights, it also includes the new reality of absolute truth that will surround you in completeness.

Paul was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things that no one is permitted to tell (2 Cor 12:4).

This verse implies that there is knowledge in heaven that is too vast for our earthly brains to grasp. I am not sure how our new, heavenly minds will have this “inexpressible information” downloaded, but it will allow us to understand the mysteries of God to a fuller extent.

Right now, we only know part of the mysteries in this life.

The Bible addresses this reality:

We know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears…now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known (1 Cor 13:9-12).

We desire the complete story in the tragedies and complexities of life. Why did someone die in a car accident? Why do healthy people die of cancer in their forties and smokers live past their eighties? Why was I infertile, but all my friends were able to have children? Why does more bad stuff happen to me, but other people seem to have an easy, blessed life? Why did two of my children become Christians but the other one rejected the faith?

These are a few questions out of the countless that cannot be answered this side of heaven. I am not sure if God is going to answer every single question we have ever had in our experience on earth, but we are given the promise that our minds will become complete when we are in heaven.

#5 – You will be PRESENT with Jesus.

A man approached me after I conducted his wife’s memorial service. He is a Christian and has a deep, genuine faith as far as I can observe. He told me that his wife is now in a state of sleep and is awaiting the resurrection. He showed me a couple passages that seem to imply that Christians experience some sort of “soul sleep” when they die (Daniel 12:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). Since they are sleeping, the time will seem to have passed quickly, and when they are awakened, it will only seem like a few seconds. But it might have been hundreds or even thousands of years.

This is a popular view among some Christians. But when you consider the context of all Scripture, “soul sleep” does not paint an accurate picture of what happens when we die. The apostle Paul was confident that when he died, he would be with Jesus in heaven:

We are confident and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord (2 Cor 5:8).

The logic is clear: if I am in my body, I am still alive on earth and away from the presence of God. If I die and my body turns to dust, I am with Jesus Christ.

Let’s look at what Jesus said to the thief on the cross:

“Truly I tell you, today you will be with Me in paradise” (Luke 23:43).

The key word here is TODAY. In the present moment, not at a later time.

Did this thief deserve heaven? Absolutely not. But that is why we are saved by grace. The thief simply called out to Jesus for salvation and received it. The thief didn’t soul sleep. He didn’t have to deal with his past sins in purgatory. He was made righteous the moment he called upon Jesus and at his death immediately went to be with Jesus.

Now that we have made clear that we will be in the presence of Jesus after our death, it might be appropriate to think about what that will be like.

Every year, more than 50 million people die throughout the world.

That means that on an average day, more than 150,000 breathe their last breath.

Over 6,000 per hour.

More than a hundred a minute.

Every second, at least one person dies.

What does this have to do with our interactions with Jesus?

Have you ever considered how many of those people who die are Christians? Estimates say that there are about one billion Christians on planet earth out of about seven billion people.

That is a ratio of 1 of 7.

This number is probably high, because we are told that the way is narrow and only a few find it (Matthew 7:14). Let’s say the ratio is more like one out of twenty. If this is the case, then every single minute, there are at least five Christians entering heaven ready to see Jesus and walk around with Him and spend significant time with their Creator and Savior. Then, sixty seconds later, another five Christians are ready for their first interaction with Jesus. And then another five, and another five.

After only one hour, more than three hundred Christians have entered into heaven and all of them want Jesus’ attention.

Have you ever thought about the logistics of Jesus interacting with so many people at once as their personal savior in heaven? How will Jesus handle this? The Bible explains that He will interact with us personally. We are told that He will wipe away our tears, so He gets close to us in proximity.

And I am just discussing the new Christians here. What about all the others who have been there for a few days, years or centuries? Will they get any alone time with Jesus, or will everything be done in community? I do not have the answers to these questions, but I do know that God is able to do things that are very different from our limited mindset: “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9). It will not be impossible for Jesus to meet with thousands of people at a time, and yet each of those people feel as if Jesus is only meeting with them. We cannot understand this mystery, but we know that God is good, and so this will also be good.

I am not sure exactly what it will look like to have our first interaction with Jesus, but I know that Jesus gave love, joy, peace, wisdom, attentiveness, compassion and hospitality to so many when He walked this planet.

It is impossible to describe how life-giving our friendship will be with God. It will be the best part of heaven. Just imagine every good quality in a human, and then exponentially increase those virtues, and you are starting to get closer to how incredible God will treat you in heaven.

Part 2 will continue next week with the final 3 things that will happen to us when we die…