Bargaining with God

My mom lived 27,341 days. She was born in 1947, just a few years after World War 2 and at the start of the baby boom. No one, except God, knew the day of her death.

Have you ever added up the number of days that you have lived?

You might be wondering, “Why does this matter?” God tells us the humans live about 70-80 years on this planet (Psalm 90:10). The average human life span is approximately 78 years. Three thousand years ago God predicted how long each human will live.

Some humans will live longer than 78 years, while others will die far sooner than this age. The Bible teaches us that if we live at least 70-80 years on this planet, we should consider ourselves blessed. Back to the question: “Why does this matter?” In this same Psalm, God commands us:

Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).

In other words, we are to count our days in order to make our days count. If we never take the time to pause and think about how precious our time is on this planet, then we will waste too many days, hours, minutes and seconds with thoughts and actions that do not matter.

How many days have you lived? How many do you have left? You might not know the exact number of days you have left, but if you are sixty years old, you must come to terms that you have lived more days already than what you have left. The older you get, the more you should count your days, because each day becomes more precious.

I am going to admit something that I haven’t shared until now. You are the first to hear of this. When we are going through difficulties and we desire God to help us, we bargain with Him. We make a promise to God in exchange for something we want. It is common for humans to engage in this kind of negotiation with God.

During the days that my mom was in the hospital, my main prayer was for her to heal and get back to her normal life. Several weeks into her sickness, I started to pray for my mom to receive five extra years. My logic was simple: I could handle her dying at age 80, but age 75 seemed too soon. Of course, I would love to have seen her live to be a 100, but I didn’t want to get greedy.

I wanted another five years with my mom. I wanted her to walk this earth 1,825 more days. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask. I wasn’t asking for five thousand. Just a little less than two thousand days.

I thought about how God added fifteen years (5,475 days) to King Hezekiah’s life when he was ill (2 Kings 20:6) and rationalized in my mind that asking God for only five years was not too much to ask. I prayed this prayer silently, hoping that God already had plans to extend my mom’s life.

One moment when I was gripped with the fear of losing her, I called out to God and gave Him permission to take five years off of my life so that she could have those five years that were for me. I was willing to trade five years at the end of my life (not knowing when that would be) for just five more with my mom. If God would have granted this request, I would have had five more years with my mom here on this earth and would then get to see her in heaven five years earlier. But it just doesn’t work that way.

I was trying to bargain with God.

But man has no leverage to use in order to change God’s plan. I have been a pastor for twenty years, I’ve been to seminary, I know correct theology. I should have known better than to ask God to trade a few years of my life for a few years of her life. I should have been more mature in knowing that this was not the right prayer to present to God. But in the midst of my weakness, I tried to negotiate more time with my mommy.

I don’t think my desperate prayer offended God or made Him gasp with surprise. He could see within my heart that I longed for more time with my mom. It was so hard to see her unhealthy and helpless on the hospital bed for several months.

If God would have granted me one more day with her when she was healthy, how would I want to spend it? I sometimes wish I could have just one more day with my mom.  

One more day sitting on the beach in Florida.

One more day riding bikes around Mackinaw Island.

One more day riding in the parade with all the grandkids.

One more day eating cashews in Brown County.

One more day attending my daughter’s basketball game together.

One more day eating Sunday dinner at the homestead.

These “days” will never happen again. She is in heaven. I am on earth.

93 days. Since my mom’s death. Many of these days I have been filled with sadness that has a hard time enjoying the good things this life has to offer. Don’t get me wrong, I still laugh and smile with others and I try to engage in fun activities, but there seems to be a cap on my ability to experience happiness.

I am about 75% happy in the moment when I know that I should be 100% happy. It seems that as soon as I am enjoying a moment, a memory about my mom enters my mind and creates an inner sadness. I am happy, but not totally.

This last week I was explaining this to one of my best friends over a subway sandwich. Over the last year, he had lost two loved ones to death. One older. One younger. He knew exactly how I was feeling, for he has worked through the same emotions. He gave me some good advice that I want to share with you that has actually helped me the last few days.

He said, “You have so many wonderful memories of your mom. She is in heaven now and you miss her dearly. Do you think she wants you to be overwhelmed with sadness, or do you think she wants you to find joy when you reminisce about her life? Your mom wishes you to take hold of these present moments of life and enjoy them right now. That would make her happy in heaven.”

I had not thought about that since her death. As she is watching me, she does not desire to see me overwhelmed with sadness, but instead to take hold of the moment and enjoy it fully. Her death reminds me the fleeting reality of this life.

Remember how short my life is (Psalm 89:47).

We are never promised tomorrow. On the morning of September 11, 2001, 2,763 people woke up not knowing it was their last day on earth. When I think about how short life is, I picture the World Trade Center and all the humans that perished on that tragic day. That is a day that shaped me. Make this day count. Count your blessings. Bless others while you can.

There is a time to grieve, and for the rest of my life, I will have a hurt in my heart for my mom’s presence, but if I allow the sadness to rob me of happiness for too long, I will be gone from this earth also and have many regrets of wasted days filled with melancholy.

Your life is like the morning fog—its here a little while, then it’s gone (James 4:14).

The words of my friend are working within my heart. This morning, as I opened my eyes to begin this day, this verse arose from my memory to the forefront of my mind:

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24).

As a young kid, I memorized this verse. As an adult with more than 16,000 days to my credit, the Holy Spirit knew that I needed to be reminded of this truth in the early morning.

God has made this beautiful day. This day will be over quickly. Will you rejoice and be glad in it? Or will you waste it? The choice is yours. For me, I choose to be glad today. Fully in the moment.

En-courage

When is the last time you really built someone up with your words?  When is the last time you told someone how much you appreciated them?  One of the most powerful things that you can ever do on the face of this earth is encourage someone else.  There is great power in the word encourage. There is a little known story in the Old Testament that gives us a glimpse of the power of encouragement.  It is found in 2 Chronicles 32.

I’d like you to meet King Sennacherib of Assyria.  He was an evil man.  Part of his military strategy was to demolish people’s bodies so that those who saw the brutality would be demoralized.  He is responsible for cutting off people’s noses, ears, arms, and would even impale people just to show off his power.  He was famous for leading people away by a ring in their tongue.

I’d like you to also meet King Hezekiah.  He was the king of Israel at the time.  He was faced with a desperate situation.  A siege was coming to his city.  Sieges can lead to great, horrible circumstances.  The Bible explains just how bad it can get during a siege.  The situation was so severe in one case that even forbidden food was selling for unbelievable prices: “A donkey’s head sold for eighty shekels of silver” (2 Kings 6:25).

How much would eighty shekels be?  It is hard to place an exact number on the measure of a shekel back then, but most commentaries speculate that this would be the equivalent of asking five hundred dollars today.  The extreme conditions even brought on cannibalism: This woman said to me, “Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we’ll eat my son.”  So we cooked my son and ate him (2 Kings 6:28).

But Hezekiah had a plan.  He blocked off the water supply just outside the city so that the soldiers who would be surrounding the city would have nothing to drink.  He worked hard at repairing all the broken sections of the wall.  He built towers on the wall and built another wall outside the original walls.  He even produced many weapons and shields and appointed military officers over the people.  But he also encouraged the people.

Most good leaders are strategic planners.  They know how to “draw up a plan” and make it work.  But great leaders realize the importance of encouraging their people during the process.  They know that without encouragement, the people might not have the actual courage to do what needs to be done.

Hezekiah gave an encouraging speech to his people who were facing imminent danger.  They needed a plan to follow, but more than that, they needed to know that there was hope.  They needed to know that God would take care of them.  Hezekiah placed courage in his people’s minds.  An encouraging person places COURAGE in people’s minds.  This is exactly what this word means in this context here.  “En” means “in” and when you place it with “courage” you have someone placing courage in another person.  That is what it means to encourage someone.  You give them the courage to do something that they were not sure if they were able to do it.  You build a confidence in them to do the right thing.

Encouraging words…build confidence.  I have never felt “courage” being poured into me more than at any other time than when I was running a cross country race as a Senior in high school.  I still remember some of the races like it was just yesterday.  I was trailing a guy from the other team the entire race.  I seemed to be just content letting him set the pace about fifty feet in front of me.  That is, until one of the teachers at my high school who was known for making courageous speeches saw me and decided to start yelling at me to catch the guy in front of me.  He started yelling my name saying, “Jeremy, look at that guy in front of you, you can beat him, you can run faster than him, you will pass him.”  At first I didn’t think it was possible.  He was just too far in front of me for me to catch him.  But this teacher wouldn’t let me off the hook.  He yelled, “Jeremy, look at him!  Focus on him!  You are gaining on him!  You’ve got him!  You’re going to do it!  Keep it up!  This interchange lasted only a few seconds, but it gave me a surge that I didn’t know that I had inside myself.  I ended up running past the other runner and even a few other runners and ended up finishing second overall that race.  If the race would have been a little longer, I might have even won it.  What amazed me is that I didn’t just barely beat this other runner, but by the time the race finished, I had gained a lead of at least fifty feet in front of him.  This teacher built confidence in me that I didn’t know that I had.  The greatest thing I took from that one season of running cross country was that moment when I was given the courage by someone who believed in me.

One of the best things that we can do for our children is to encourage them.  For every critical comment we receive, it takes nine affirming comments to even out the negative effect in your life.  So make sure you are unloading lots of positive re-enforcement to your child.  This is something that I do with my daughters on a daily basis.  I take my daughters to school three to four mornings a week. It is about a five minute drive to the school.  During that time, I am trying to think of at least one to two positive things about both of them that I can praise them about.  I want each of them starting off their day with confidence.  Confidence to do the right thing in every situation.

On the other hand, what happens when you show a lack of confidence in your children and don’t encourage them?  A while back, I watched a television program about how parents can have a tremendous impact on their children for either good or bad.  In this special, one thousand prisoners were interviewed.  They were all asked one simple question: “How many of you had parents who told you that you would end up in prison one day?”  Almost every one of the inmates stated that this was repeated to them as a child more than once.  Encouraging words do matter. 

After Hezekiah’s speech, the Israelites had to make a choice.  Were they going to believe the encouraging words of their king, Hezekiah, or were they going to listen to the discouraging words of the king of Assyria?

Encouraging words…are worthless unless they’re absorbed.  Are you the kind of person that no matter what anybody says to you that is encouraging, you turn it into something negative?  You are un-encourageable.    This is a disease that plagues many people today.  It is the inability to just take a compliment.  To be told that you are doing something good and to just leave it at that and say, “Thank you.”

King Sennacherib tried to discourage the people of Israel.  He wanted them to give up.  There was no doubt in Sennacherib’s mind that they would be conquering them and he wanted the people to know that.  But he didn’t want much of a fight.  He wanted them to lay down and give up without a battle.  So he tried to scare them into thinking it wouldn’t be worth it to try and hold out on a siege.  He got out his list of other conquered nations and said, “Look at these nations, their god didn’t save them and your god won’t save you.”  A discouraging person places past failures in people’s minds.   This is the opposite of placing courage in someone.  You are actually trying to take courage out of them when you bring up their past failures.

Discouraging words do two main things:

Discouraging words…create doubt. Here in the story, the Assyrian king tried to create doubt in the people’s minds to the fact that God is real and that God is good to them.  He tried to make them doubt the fact that their God can take care of them.

A common denominator in all successful people is that they are not conquered by their own doubt.  Other people might doubt them, but they believed in the encouraging words of their parents and grandparents and other people around them that believed in them.  Now, I am not telling you to lie to your children about what they can be in life, but I am asking you to instill within them courage to try new things.  Too many people are around discouragers, and discouragers love to instill doubt into a person’s mind.  Many women doubt that they have anything good to give to society because of years of listening to a husband discourage them with words.  Many men doubt that they could ever be a godly leader in their home because their wife discourages them with words.  Others have contemplated suicide because they doubt that their existence matters.

Discouraging words don’t just create doubt, but discouraging words…create fear.   Researchers conducted a study where they asked a group of seventy year olds if they had any regrets in their life.  The number one answer was that they wish that they would have tried more things in their life, but didn’t because they feared that they would fail.  When the interviewer asked them further why they felt a fear and then didn’t go for something, almost all the respondents talked about how they remember someone saying something to them early in their life and they could never forget it.  The interviewer gave a couple examples.

The seventy year olds stated that they had many aspirations in their late teens and early twenties, but almost all of the dreams faded by the time they were in their thirties because they feared taking risks.  They got a job that paid okay, so they stuck with it instead of pursuing something that might have been more fulfilling.  Also, when asked if they were influenced by anything anyone said, they said that when they shared their dreams with different people, most, if not all of them would discourage them from taking some of those risks.  So they didn’t, and they regret not trying to find out if their dreams could have come true in certain areas of their life.

Many of those same seventy year olds also stated that they regretted not taking more vacations because of a fear of other people’s comments, either their boss or other co-workers, or other people giving them a hard time for it.  If they could do it all over again, they would have taken more time off to just be with their family.  They would have traveled places they wanted to see.  Many of them never used up all their vacation time because they feared what others would say about them.

There is a close connection between living in fear and listening and believing in discouraging words.  That is why there is power in discouraging words.

If we look at how the story ends in 2 Chronicles, we read that King Hezekiah cried out to God in a prayer.  This is where his courage came from.  He knew that if they were going to be protected from the evil Assyrians, then God needed to be on their side.  And God was.  God sent an angel to kill 185,000 Assyrian soldiers.

God is the power source for our courage.  You can’t just turn on a switch one day and expect to be a great encourager of people.  It just doesn’t happen like that.  You have to understand where the power source is.  And the power is released when you spend time asking God to fill you with courage.  There is a supernatural power that we have at our disposal from God.  This is why Hezekiah could tell his people to be strong and courageous.  He knew that God was his source of power.  That is why you can tell other people to be strong and courageous.  You know that God is your power source.

We all need to be encouraged.  None of us can go very long without encouragement.  Some of us need encouraging words every single day while some of us might go several days and not need any, but we all need to be encouraged at some level.

Encouragement is much like a gas tank.  For years, I had always prided myself in the fact that I have never run out of gas.  But that ended one day a while back.  I was driving along on a highway and heard the little bell go off that reminded me that I needed to get gas soon.  Then the little light turned on as a further reminder.  My car was shouting to me that I needed some gas.  I registered this in my mind that I would turn off within the next ten or so miles and fill up on some gas.  But somehow, I completely forgot that I was low on gas, that is, until about forty miles down the road my car turned off.  At first, I thought something was wrong with the engine.  But then it dawned on me: “Jeremy, you forgot to get gas!  How could you forget?”  I looked north, south, east, and west, and could see no sign of any kind of gas station.  So I got out and started walking in the direction I thought a station might be located.  I felt like asking my car for a do over.  I wanted it to forgive me for this mess up and if it would just go to the gas station, then I would fill it up with really nice gas, maybe even put in some 93 octane.  But as you know, a car doesn’t act like that.  There is nothing negotiable about a car and gas.  If it has some, it runs.  If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.  And I knew where I needed to get the gas: at the gas station.  That is the source of gas.  A kind man stopped and took me to the nearest gas station about five miles away and then brought me back to fill up my tank.

People are the same when it comes to encouragement.  We all need it.  We cannot run without it.  And that is why if you feel low in your tank, you need to surround yourself with other people who will encourage you and lift you up.  Also, you must commit yourself to filling up other people’s tanks with encouragement.  But remember the source: God!  Without being connected to Him, you soon run out of courage yourself, and without courage, you cannot pass it on.