Tag Archives: death

Bargaining with God

My mom lived 27,341 days. She was born in 1947, just a few years after World War 2 and at the start of the baby boom. No one, except God, knew the day of her death.

Have you ever added up the number of days that you have lived?

You might be wondering, “Why does this matter?” God tells us the humans live about 70-80 years on this planet (Psalm 90:10). The average human life span is approximately 78 years. Three thousand years ago God predicted how long each human will live.

Some humans will live longer than 78 years, while others will die far sooner than this age. The Bible teaches us that if we live at least 70-80 years on this planet, we should consider ourselves blessed. Back to the question: “Why does this matter?” In this same Psalm, God commands us:

Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).

In other words, we are to count our days in order to make our days count. If we never take the time to pause and think about how precious our time is on this planet, then we will waste too many days, hours, minutes and seconds with thoughts and actions that do not matter.

How many days have you lived? How many do you have left? You might not know the exact number of days you have left, but if you are sixty years old, you must come to terms that you have lived more days already than what you have left. The older you get, the more you should count your days, because each day becomes more precious.

I am going to admit something that I haven’t shared until now. You are the first to hear of this. When we are going through difficulties and we desire God to help us, we bargain with Him. We make a promise to God in exchange for something we want. It is common for humans to engage in this kind of negotiation with God.

During the days that my mom was in the hospital, my main prayer was for her to heal and get back to her normal life. Several weeks into her sickness, I started to pray for my mom to receive five extra years. My logic was simple: I could handle her dying at age 80, but age 75 seemed too soon. Of course, I would love to have seen her live to be a 100, but I didn’t want to get greedy.

I wanted another five years with my mom. I wanted her to walk this earth 1,825 more days. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask. I wasn’t asking for five thousand. Just a little less than two thousand days.

I thought about how God added fifteen years (5,475 days) to King Hezekiah’s life when he was ill (2 Kings 20:6) and rationalized in my mind that asking God for only five years was not too much to ask. I prayed this prayer silently, hoping that God already had plans to extend my mom’s life.

One moment when I was gripped with the fear of losing her, I called out to God and gave Him permission to take five years off of my life so that she could have those five years that were for me. I was willing to trade five years at the end of my life (not knowing when that would be) for just five more with my mom. If God would have granted this request, I would have had five more years with my mom here on this earth and would then get to see her in heaven five years earlier. But it just doesn’t work that way.

I was trying to bargain with God.

But man has no leverage to use in order to change God’s plan. I have been a pastor for twenty years, I’ve been to seminary, I know correct theology. I should have known better than to ask God to trade a few years of my life for a few years of her life. I should have been more mature in knowing that this was not the right prayer to present to God. But in the midst of my weakness, I tried to negotiate more time with my mommy.

I don’t think my desperate prayer offended God or made Him gasp with surprise. He could see within my heart that I longed for more time with my mom. It was so hard to see her unhealthy and helpless on the hospital bed for several months.

If God would have granted me one more day with her when she was healthy, how would I want to spend it? I sometimes wish I could have just one more day with my mom.  

One more day sitting on the beach in Florida.

One more day riding bikes around Mackinaw Island.

One more day riding in the parade with all the grandkids.

One more day eating cashews in Brown County.

One more day attending my daughter’s basketball game together.

One more day eating Sunday dinner at the homestead.

These “days” will never happen again. She is in heaven. I am on earth.

93 days. Since my mom’s death. Many of these days I have been filled with sadness that has a hard time enjoying the good things this life has to offer. Don’t get me wrong, I still laugh and smile with others and I try to engage in fun activities, but there seems to be a cap on my ability to experience happiness.

I am about 75% happy in the moment when I know that I should be 100% happy. It seems that as soon as I am enjoying a moment, a memory about my mom enters my mind and creates an inner sadness. I am happy, but not totally.

This last week I was explaining this to one of my best friends over a subway sandwich. Over the last year, he had lost two loved ones to death. One older. One younger. He knew exactly how I was feeling, for he has worked through the same emotions. He gave me some good advice that I want to share with you that has actually helped me the last few days.

He said, “You have so many wonderful memories of your mom. She is in heaven now and you miss her dearly. Do you think she wants you to be overwhelmed with sadness, or do you think she wants you to find joy when you reminisce about her life? Your mom wishes you to take hold of these present moments of life and enjoy them right now. That would make her happy in heaven.”

I had not thought about that since her death. As she is watching me, she does not desire to see me overwhelmed with sadness, but instead to take hold of the moment and enjoy it fully. Her death reminds me the fleeting reality of this life.

Remember how short my life is (Psalm 89:47).

We are never promised tomorrow. On the morning of September 11, 2001, 2,763 people woke up not knowing it was their last day on earth. When I think about how short life is, I picture the World Trade Center and all the humans that perished on that tragic day. That is a day that shaped me. Make this day count. Count your blessings. Bless others while you can.

There is a time to grieve, and for the rest of my life, I will have a hurt in my heart for my mom’s presence, but if I allow the sadness to rob me of happiness for too long, I will be gone from this earth also and have many regrets of wasted days filled with melancholy.

Your life is like the morning fog—its here a little while, then it’s gone (James 4:14).

The words of my friend are working within my heart. This morning, as I opened my eyes to begin this day, this verse arose from my memory to the forefront of my mind:

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24).

As a young kid, I memorized this verse. As an adult with more than 16,000 days to my credit, the Holy Spirit knew that I needed to be reminded of this truth in the early morning.

God has made this beautiful day. This day will be over quickly. Will you rejoice and be glad in it? Or will you waste it? The choice is yours. For me, I choose to be glad today. Fully in the moment.

8 Things that Happen When you Die (Part 1)

When is the last time you’ve thought about what happens after you die? Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. If we are only physical creatures without any immaterial aspect to our existence, then there is only one thing that happens when we die. But if we are complex beings, made of both temporary and eternal elements, then we should spend a moment considering the potential of an afterlife.  

#1 – Our body dies and DECAYS.

Death is often defined as that moment our heart and brain stop. When my mom’s heart stopped, the doctor checked her pulse and declared her deceased.

As the heart ceases to pump blood, the brain shuts down, the body grows pale and begins a cooling process.

Over the next several hours, rigor mortis spreads throughout the entire body. The body has no more purpose in this life. No more talking, walking, running, kicking or eating. The body is finished. Solomon speaks of what happens at death: “the dust returns to the ground it came from” (Ecclesiastes 12:7).

Depending on how and where the body is buried (preservation, weather, etc.), the body could decompose into a skeleton within weeks or decades. My mom was placed into a coffin. Amazingly, the process of decomposition is quite long for someone laid to rest in a coffin. It could take fifty years for the body’s tissues to liquify and disappear, leaving behind mummified skin and tendons. Eventually the skin and tendons will also disintegrate, and after eighty years in the coffin, the body will be in skeleton form. After a hundred years, the last of the deceased bones will have collapsed into dust. Only the most durable part of the body, teeth, will remain.

That is what happens to our physical body when we die. But is this the end? Is there something inside the human body that lives on after the grave?

Just as Solomon explained that the body will eventually return to dust, he gives us hope that “the spirit returns to God who gave it” (Ecclesiastes 12:7).

We have much evidence from the Bible that our spirit will exist far beyond death. Just as we spend time thinking about what happens to our physical body when it dies, it is vital that we consider what happens to our spirit when our bodies are finished. What can the Christian hope for when he or she breathes their last breath on this earth?

#2 – ANGELS carry you to heaven.

Jesus told us a story about a man named Lazarus who died and was carried to heaven by angels (Luke 16:22). We are not told how long our journey is to heaven.

The moment we die, we might instantly be in the presence of Jesus in heaven. On the other hand, our spirit might fly with the angels for a multitude of miles to heaven.

Maybe we will fly past planets and stars, through galaxies and the entire universe before we arrive at heaven. This might take several minutes, instead of being immediate. Could it take a few hours? We have no idea, and in many ways it does not matter.

Heaven is not here on this earth as it was during the early days when Adam and Eve were sinless. Heaven is “out there” somewhere and we are told that the only way to this paradise is through Jesus Christ (John 14:6).

#3 – You see the glorious SIGHTS of heaven.

When Stephen was near death, God gave him a glimpse of what heaven looks like (Acts 7:59). As your spirit enters heaven, you will initially see Jesus and the glory that has been awaiting you. Here are just a few awe-inspiring things you will notice (from Revelation 21-22). 

The holy city, with an appearance of jasper, clear as crystal.

Massive, high walls with angels at all twelve gates.

The city streets will be pure gold, like glass.

Enormous pearls will be at every gate.

The river of life.

The tree of life.

You will see God’s face.

Try to imagine how spectacular this moment will be for every Christian. Your faith will become sight and you will see this glorious place that God made for your enjoyment for all eternity.

#4 – You hear the glorious SOUNDS of heaven.

The glory of heaven is not just about all the incredible sights, it also includes the new reality of absolute truth that will surround you in completeness.

Paul was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things that no one is permitted to tell (2 Cor 12:4).

This verse implies that there is knowledge in heaven that is too vast for our earthly brains to grasp. I am not sure how our new, heavenly minds will have this “inexpressible information” downloaded, but it will allow us to understand the mysteries of God to a fuller extent.

Right now, we only know part of the mysteries in this life.

The Bible addresses this reality:

We know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears…now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known (1 Cor 13:9-12).

We desire the complete story in the tragedies and complexities of life. Why did someone die in a car accident? Why do healthy people die of cancer in their forties and smokers live past their eighties? Why was I infertile, but all my friends were able to have children? Why does more bad stuff happen to me, but other people seem to have an easy, blessed life? Why did two of my children become Christians but the other one rejected the faith?

These are a few questions out of the countless that cannot be answered this side of heaven. I am not sure if God is going to answer every single question we have ever had in our experience on earth, but we are given the promise that our minds will become complete when we are in heaven.

#5 – You will be PRESENT with Jesus.

A man approached me after I conducted his wife’s memorial service. He is a Christian and has a deep, genuine faith as far as I can observe. He told me that his wife is now in a state of sleep and is awaiting the resurrection. He showed me a couple passages that seem to imply that Christians experience some sort of “soul sleep” when they die (Daniel 12:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). Since they are sleeping, the time will seem to have passed quickly, and when they are awakened, it will only seem like a few seconds. But it might have been hundreds or even thousands of years.

This is a popular view among some Christians. But when you consider the context of all Scripture, “soul sleep” does not paint an accurate picture of what happens when we die. The apostle Paul was confident that when he died, he would be with Jesus in heaven:

We are confident and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord (2 Cor 5:8).

The logic is clear: if I am in my body, I am still alive on earth and away from the presence of God. If I die and my body turns to dust, I am with Jesus Christ.

Let’s look at what Jesus said to the thief on the cross:

“Truly I tell you, today you will be with Me in paradise” (Luke 23:43).

The key word here is TODAY. In the present moment, not at a later time.

Did this thief deserve heaven? Absolutely not. But that is why we are saved by grace. The thief simply called out to Jesus for salvation and received it. The thief didn’t soul sleep. He didn’t have to deal with his past sins in purgatory. He was made righteous the moment he called upon Jesus and at his death immediately went to be with Jesus.

Now that we have made clear that we will be in the presence of Jesus after our death, it might be appropriate to think about what that will be like.

Every year, more than 50 million people die throughout the world.

That means that on an average day, more than 150,000 breathe their last breath.

Over 6,000 per hour.

More than a hundred a minute.

Every second, at least one person dies.

What does this have to do with our interactions with Jesus?

Have you ever considered how many of those people who die are Christians? Estimates say that there are about one billion Christians on planet earth out of about seven billion people.

That is a ratio of 1 of 7.

This number is probably high, because we are told that the way is narrow and only a few find it (Matthew 7:14). Let’s say the ratio is more like one out of twenty. If this is the case, then every single minute, there are at least five Christians entering heaven ready to see Jesus and walk around with Him and spend significant time with their Creator and Savior. Then, sixty seconds later, another five Christians are ready for their first interaction with Jesus. And then another five, and another five.

After only one hour, more than three hundred Christians have entered into heaven and all of them want Jesus’ attention.

Have you ever thought about the logistics of Jesus interacting with so many people at once as their personal savior in heaven? How will Jesus handle this? The Bible explains that He will interact with us personally. We are told that He will wipe away our tears, so He gets close to us in proximity.

And I am just discussing the new Christians here. What about all the others who have been there for a few days, years or centuries? Will they get any alone time with Jesus, or will everything be done in community? I do not have the answers to these questions, but I do know that God is able to do things that are very different from our limited mindset: “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9). It will not be impossible for Jesus to meet with thousands of people at a time, and yet each of those people feel as if Jesus is only meeting with them. We cannot understand this mystery, but we know that God is good, and so this will also be good.

I am not sure exactly what it will look like to have our first interaction with Jesus, but I know that Jesus gave love, joy, peace, wisdom, attentiveness, compassion and hospitality to so many when He walked this planet.

It is impossible to describe how life-giving our friendship will be with God. It will be the best part of heaven. Just imagine every good quality in a human, and then exponentially increase those virtues, and you are starting to get closer to how incredible God will treat you in heaven.

Part 2 will continue next week with the final 3 things that will happen to us when we die…