Bargaining with God

My mom lived 27,341 days. She was born in 1947, just a few years after World War 2 and at the start of the baby boom. No one, except God, knew the day of her death.

Have you ever added up the number of days that you have lived?

You might be wondering, “Why does this matter?” God tells us the humans live about 70-80 years on this planet (Psalm 90:10). The average human life span is approximately 78 years. Three thousand years ago God predicted how long each human will live.

Some humans will live longer than 78 years, while others will die far sooner than this age. The Bible teaches us that if we live at least 70-80 years on this planet, we should consider ourselves blessed. Back to the question: “Why does this matter?” In this same Psalm, God commands us:

Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).

In other words, we are to count our days in order to make our days count. If we never take the time to pause and think about how precious our time is on this planet, then we will waste too many days, hours, minutes and seconds with thoughts and actions that do not matter.

How many days have you lived? How many do you have left? You might not know the exact number of days you have left, but if you are sixty years old, you must come to terms that you have lived more days already than what you have left. The older you get, the more you should count your days, because each day becomes more precious.

I am going to admit something that I haven’t shared until now. You are the first to hear of this. When we are going through difficulties and we desire God to help us, we bargain with Him. We make a promise to God in exchange for something we want. It is common for humans to engage in this kind of negotiation with God.

During the days that my mom was in the hospital, my main prayer was for her to heal and get back to her normal life. Several weeks into her sickness, I started to pray for my mom to receive five extra years. My logic was simple: I could handle her dying at age 80, but age 75 seemed too soon. Of course, I would love to have seen her live to be a 100, but I didn’t want to get greedy.

I wanted another five years with my mom. I wanted her to walk this earth 1,825 more days. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask. I wasn’t asking for five thousand. Just a little less than two thousand days.

I thought about how God added fifteen years (5,475 days) to King Hezekiah’s life when he was ill (2 Kings 20:6) and rationalized in my mind that asking God for only five years was not too much to ask. I prayed this prayer silently, hoping that God already had plans to extend my mom’s life.

One moment when I was gripped with the fear of losing her, I called out to God and gave Him permission to take five years off of my life so that she could have those five years that were for me. I was willing to trade five years at the end of my life (not knowing when that would be) for just five more with my mom. If God would have granted this request, I would have had five more years with my mom here on this earth and would then get to see her in heaven five years earlier. But it just doesn’t work that way.

I was trying to bargain with God.

But man has no leverage to use in order to change God’s plan. I have been a pastor for twenty years, I’ve been to seminary, I know correct theology. I should have known better than to ask God to trade a few years of my life for a few years of her life. I should have been more mature in knowing that this was not the right prayer to present to God. But in the midst of my weakness, I tried to negotiate more time with my mommy.

I don’t think my desperate prayer offended God or made Him gasp with surprise. He could see within my heart that I longed for more time with my mom. It was so hard to see her unhealthy and helpless on the hospital bed for several months.

If God would have granted me one more day with her when she was healthy, how would I want to spend it? I sometimes wish I could have just one more day with my mom.  

One more day sitting on the beach in Florida.

One more day riding bikes around Mackinaw Island.

One more day riding in the parade with all the grandkids.

One more day eating cashews in Brown County.

One more day attending my daughter’s basketball game together.

One more day eating Sunday dinner at the homestead.

These “days” will never happen again. She is in heaven. I am on earth.

93 days. Since my mom’s death. Many of these days I have been filled with sadness that has a hard time enjoying the good things this life has to offer. Don’t get me wrong, I still laugh and smile with others and I try to engage in fun activities, but there seems to be a cap on my ability to experience happiness.

I am about 75% happy in the moment when I know that I should be 100% happy. It seems that as soon as I am enjoying a moment, a memory about my mom enters my mind and creates an inner sadness. I am happy, but not totally.

This last week I was explaining this to one of my best friends over a subway sandwich. Over the last year, he had lost two loved ones to death. One older. One younger. He knew exactly how I was feeling, for he has worked through the same emotions. He gave me some good advice that I want to share with you that has actually helped me the last few days.

He said, “You have so many wonderful memories of your mom. She is in heaven now and you miss her dearly. Do you think she wants you to be overwhelmed with sadness, or do you think she wants you to find joy when you reminisce about her life? Your mom wishes you to take hold of these present moments of life and enjoy them right now. That would make her happy in heaven.”

I had not thought about that since her death. As she is watching me, she does not desire to see me overwhelmed with sadness, but instead to take hold of the moment and enjoy it fully. Her death reminds me the fleeting reality of this life.

Remember how short my life is (Psalm 89:47).

We are never promised tomorrow. On the morning of September 11, 2001, 2,763 people woke up not knowing it was their last day on earth. When I think about how short life is, I picture the World Trade Center and all the humans that perished on that tragic day. That is a day that shaped me. Make this day count. Count your blessings. Bless others while you can.

There is a time to grieve, and for the rest of my life, I will have a hurt in my heart for my mom’s presence, but if I allow the sadness to rob me of happiness for too long, I will be gone from this earth also and have many regrets of wasted days filled with melancholy.

Your life is like the morning fog—its here a little while, then it’s gone (James 4:14).

The words of my friend are working within my heart. This morning, as I opened my eyes to begin this day, this verse arose from my memory to the forefront of my mind:

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24).

As a young kid, I memorized this verse. As an adult with more than 16,000 days to my credit, the Holy Spirit knew that I needed to be reminded of this truth in the early morning.

God has made this beautiful day. This day will be over quickly. Will you rejoice and be glad in it? Or will you waste it? The choice is yours. For me, I choose to be glad today. Fully in the moment.

8 Things that Happen When you Die (Part 2 of 2)

My mom became less daring the more she aged. But in her younger years she rode a motorcycle, hiked mountains and moved across the country to a town filled with only strangers. Maybe she became more cautious because of her children and grandchildren. This picture shows my mom’s thirst for adventure. We all have this desire deep inside us. And in heaven we will explore with exhilarating enthusiasm for all of eternity.

Before we look at #6, #7 and #8, allow me to recap from part 1…

  1. Our body dies and DECAYS.
  2. ANGELS carry you to heaven.
  3. Glorious SIGHTS of heaven.
  4. Glorious SOUNDS of heaven.
  5. PRESENT with Jesus.

#6 – We will be given the KEYS to our new HOME.

Jesus was a carpenter in His earthly job, and in heaven He is also a builder. The night before Jesus died, He promised His disciples a future home in heaven:

My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am (John 14:2-3).

We will have our own place in heaven just as we have our own place here on this earth. I am not sure if we will all have the same size house or if some will be much larger than others or if some people will live alone while others will live together. Those details are not known. But we do know that Jesus is preparing a place for us to dwell.

The first day we are in heaven, I believe we will shown our new home. God has been waiting for this moment your entire life and is excited to give you a brand new house. Most likely, you’ve never been gifted a house, but for each of us, we will feel the tremendous love of our Father when He presents this incredible gift to us.

We will finally be home.

Have you ever been gone on a long road trip and finally settle back into your home? What is that feeling like? It is a great feeling. You can relax. You enjoyed the trip, but there is no place like home. It is hard for us to completely comprehend this feeling right now, but someday you will realize that you are home when you step through your eternal house. The sense of safety, security, fulfillment and belonging will someday overwhelm your heart. You were made for this place.

God is preparing a “place” for you, and the feeling of being home will be more than simply a physical building. The reunion of loved ones in heaven will be tremendously satisfying.

Tears of joy will fill your eyes as you run up to your grandmother who has been in heaven for thirty years.

Laughter will burst forth from your mouth as you embrace your brother who lost his life to cancer ten years before you.

Babies who entered heaven because of a miscarriage will run to their mothers in their heavenly bodies.

You will meet your ancestors who traveled across the Atlantic to give your family a new life in the Americas.

Some say the “key” to happiness is finding lifelong friends. When we get to heaven and Jesus gives us the key to our new home, this “key” will give us access to family members and friends we loved so dearly on this earth. Each of these individuals will now be available for us to interact with forever and ever. How I long for that access to my grandparents, my daughter Clare, and my mom.

They say “home is where the heart is” and so that moment we meet all of those precious people in heaven, we will feel complete and whole for the first time. The aching I have in my heart to hear my mom’s voice once more is deeper than I could have ever imagined. I miss her voice so much that about once a week I will open the voicemail on my phone where a past message is saved from my mom and I will listen to it just to hear her sweet voice. Sometimes I will replay her voicemail over and over. I don’t want to forget her voice.

Heaven will be home not because of the amazing houses. Heaven will be home because of Jesus. And our family. And our friends. And the new people we will meet!

#7 – We will be PERFECT.

As a child, I had a fear of heaven. I wanted to go there instead of hell, but I was worried that after thousands of years I would get bored. I even had dreams of trying to end my existence in heaven because of the excruciating boredom. But something I didn’t consider when I was younger was this: only perfect people are in heaven.

What does it mean when the Bible refers “to the spirits of the righteous made perfect” (Hebrews 12:23)?

Perfect means to be complete, without sin, mature, fulfilled. Paul describes this perfection in 1 Corinthians 15:42-44. He compares and contrasts our temporary body with our resurrected body.

Earthly body is born to die, but our heaven body will live forever.

Earthly body is born in dishonor (sin), but our heaven body will be glorious (without sin).

Earthly body is born in weakness, but our heavenly body will be powerful.

Earthly body is born natural, but our heavenly body is spiritual.

Our brains will think at full capacity. Our bodies will never get tired. We will never want to engage in sin again. We will only speak life-giving words. Our hearts will never again feel pain, remorse or agony. Try to picture some of the most amazing moments in your life when you felt very much alive. That is a glimpse of what heaven will be like. Only heaven will be better.   

When we enter heaven, God “will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body” (Philippians 3:21).

The ultimate act of love from our Creator is that He wants us to be just like Him. So, as you age and your body and mind begin to break down, just remember that God will change you into the most beautiful person you have ever known. You will be totally satisfied forever because of His completed work in you.

#8 – We will be REWARDED for our WORKS as a Christian.

Many times throughout the New Testament, we are taught that God will reward us in various ways. I have heard many Christians tell me that they don’t care about this part of heaven. “I just want to get there,” they say. But if it wasn’t important, the Bible wouldn’t focus upon it constantly. Jesus explains to us that there will be rewards:

I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done (Revelation 22:12).

In the last few verses of the Bible, we are given the promise of being rewarded. Let me make it clear that it is not to determine whether or not we will be allowed into the heaven. Our salvation will be secured because of our faith in Christ. But we will stand before the judgment seat of Christ and be repaid for how much or how little we did for Jesus on earth (2 Corinthians 5:10).

Here is a short list of several rewards:

crown of life

treasure

crown of righteousness

crown of glory

(c.f. James 1:12; Luke 12:33-34; 2 Timothy 4:8; 1 Peter 5:4)

I am not sure what the rewards will look like, but just as we are rewarded here on this earth for good works, there will be a heavenly satisfaction that will far outlast any earthly pleasure we enjoyed. 

As we stand before Jesus, He will display for us how we impacted the earth for eternity. We will see the young, single woman with two kids we came alongside and mentored. We will cry tears of joy as we are approached by a man who was saved because of a testimony we gave at a church event. We will shout “hallelujah” when we notice an agnostic friend who became a believer because we were able to prove the reliability of Jesus’ resurrection. We will be overwhelmed with gratitude that we sent money to buy Bibles because an entire tribe from Africa became believers because they received God’s Word in their own language.

We will be pleasantly surprised that our relational proximity to our Savior in heaven was based upon how seriously we took Jesus’ commands on earth. But Christians who lived selfishly to build their own earthly success for their own personal gain will realize IT WAS NOT WORTH IT.

If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames (1 Cor 3:14-15).

Many Christians believe that these rewards will not be significant because “we will cast our crowns before the throne of God” (Revelation 4:10) when we are in heaven.

But this does not mean that we are throwing the rewards away. We are returning the thanks, the worthiness, the value of what a great God we served on earth. Otherwise, why hand out rewards if the treasures will be tossed aside.

The THINGS God has PREPARED. In closing, it is important to remind ourselves that we have a limited view of the realities of heaven. We know some things, and that helps us take comfort whenever a beloved believer dies, but we also need to take into account this truth:

What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived—the things God has prepared for those who love Him (1 Cor 2:9).

Here is what I know for sure: God is preparing an indescribable place for those who love Him. I love Him. Do you love Him? I pray that your answer is a resounding, “Yes!”